I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
