just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
