I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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