screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
