If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
