I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
