try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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