i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
