Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
