so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
