I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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