I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
