I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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