Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
