I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
