Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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