Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
