I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
