how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
