so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
