Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
