I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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