I seem to have left my pride at pride
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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