he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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