so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
