I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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