He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need a beard to bite.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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