we have pet lesbian snakes
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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