It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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