...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm always down for nudity.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
