ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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