Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
