i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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