i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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