piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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