Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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