When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
