Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
