I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
