Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
