Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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