By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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