just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
