guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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