Whod you bang
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
