Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he was CRYING into my vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
