my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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