Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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