So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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