just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
