I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
