His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize