He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
