haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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