We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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