he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
