so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
