Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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