Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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