Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
