I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
