Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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