I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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