for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
