we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
