im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
