Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
