I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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