How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
