I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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