i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
