you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
