i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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