just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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