so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
