I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
