Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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