im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
