Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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