You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
