in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
