I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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