Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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