normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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