I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
