Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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