You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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