My liver just broke up with me...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
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