The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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