Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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