While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
