I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
