Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
