i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
