David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize