see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
