Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
sex in a hospital.. check
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
