wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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