You're my little dorito
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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